I will not be defeated

So, girl plants seed, girl cares for seed, seed grows into big plant which is thereby immediately attacked from every angle by every conceivable foe. Is this how it's supposed to be? I spent nearly a month duking it out with the earwigs while a cunning gopher moved into my back yard and silently began wreaking havock on my tomato plants. There where 3 casualties in that battle, and sadly not a single one was the fucking gopher. Meanwhile, two weeks later as I sit in my garden bed desperately trying to will my tomato plants back to life, I found what I can only guess is the beginning of early blight on about three of my beautiful heirlooms. I pulled those three because I will be damned if I finish this season out without a single edible tomato after starting fourty-five of the stupid things. THEN, Yesterday I came upon a corn stalk that was looking mighty sad. I pulled it up and low and behold, the most devastating sight in all the world, a lovely wire worm had crawled up into the stalk and chewed clean through it. If anything this will surely ruin me. It was discovered on the same side of my garden as ALL of my root vegetables. So this is what is going on in my gardening life as we speak. It's like Vietnam out there. I would be completely content to stay tucked in my bunker all day, but I really need to be proactive or my enemies will eventually win. The earwigs, for now, appear to be on the decline and I think this is due to the lizards that are proliferating in my yard. Additionally I am still using minimal amounts of diatomaceous earth on the plants that they really just can't seem to keep their mitts off of, namely my sunflowers, kale, and beet greens. Apparently greens are like earwig crack, because they can't seem to get enough. The gopher? Well, I can say that while I am completely and 100% against the needless death of an innocent animal, and would never cause harm to anything living, someone in my house, who shall remain nameless, has obtained a pellet gun and does intend on using it on said gopher. Unless this fellows eating habits change and he suddenly develops a taste for weeds then I see no other way. However, If it makes you feel any better, my money is on the gopher. Early blight- um, I guess just sit and wait? There are preventative measures that I am to take such as spraying antifungles and not getting water on the leaves. So I will definitely be doing that, but I'm really just going to have to see if it spreads any further. As for the wireworms, I'm suppose to plant a potato in the ground to see how bad the infestation actually is. So far I've only had one casualty, so I'm really hoping it was just a fluke. Time will tell, and if my potato ends up chewed to hell, I will decide where to move from there. So, it would appear as though I've got a lot on my plate. Worry not, because I will not be defeated.